The average person will have sex round 112 times a year, so for those blissful few minutes it is important to be comfortable with it, know what you’re doing, and not have any doubts. Many questions regarding sex pop up time and time again, and we are here to answer the most popular queries to help ease any doubts.
Here are some commonly asked questions:
1. How long does sex normally last, and what can I do to make it last longer?
The time that sex, including foreplay and intercourse lasts will vary hugely and this is dependent on an individual. For example, how long you spend on foreplay, how long it takes to orgasm, and how long a man can last. On average men reach orgasm within 2.5 minutes, and women take 12 minutes.
To last longer you could spend more time on foreplay. For men during intercourse, you could slow down when you think you are close to an orgasm. The more frequent sex you have, the more likely you are to last longer. Some people also think of something repulsive for example a car crash, or anything else that would turn you off!
2. Do I let them know that I am a virgin or not?
If you are not comfortable telling your partner that you’re a virgin, then maybe they are not the right person to be losing your virginity to. Being open and honest about your past sexual experiences should not put him/her off in a healthy relationship. Tell them when you feel it is right to do so, and when you feel confident in doing it.
3. Will the sex be painful?
This depends on a lot of factors. For a woman the first time may hurt as you will be breaking your hymen. For men there should be no pain in general. To help, you should try to relax as it will relax your vaginal muscles. If you are worried about it still hurting you can try some lubricant so it is easier to get it in, and there is less friction.
4. Do girls actually make noise like they do in porn?
Porn is an exaggerated version of sex, and is often made to cater to fantasies. It is in no way a reflection of actual sex. Having said the amount of noise a woman makes is dependent on the individual. Some like to make noise, and may make as much as they do in porn and some will not.
5. Is it normal to not lose your virginity before college? Is there a specific age where it becomes weird?
There is no “normal” age to lose your virginity. You should do so when you feel comfortable, and when you have found someone you are happy to lose it to. Don’t feel the pressure to lose it in a rush just because you feel like you are getting to a certain age!
6. Is the size of penises in porn normal?
In porn the average size is around 8inches (20.32cm), but can go up to 10inches (25.4cm), but a study has shown that the average size of a man’s penis when erect is 5.16inches (13.12cm), and when flaccid is 4.6inches (11.66cm). The same study showed that around 2.28% of the male population have an abnormally large penis. Essentially, the sizes of penises in porn do not reflect the average size in reality. However, there is always a chance you could bump into one of the 2.28% of men with an abnormally large penis!
7. Do women talk about what happened in bed with their friends?
Yes, women talk about sex just as much as men do, and some studies show that they talk about it even more. Studies have shown that about 22% of women will talk to at least 5 friends about their first sexual experience with a partner. Women and men talk about the same things regarding sex, including orgasms, being horny, foreplay, techniques, how good someone was etc. However, there is less talk about masturbation among women.
8. What items do I need to remember to have before having sex?
Condoms or some other form of birth control is a must. You may also want to have some lubricant handy just in case. These are the basics. The rest is up to you and your partner, massage oils, food, scarves, toys and other items may make sex more exciting or enjoyable.
9. How much will I bleed? Does a lot of fluid get everywhere?
This depends on the individual, some will never bleed even on their first time, some may bleed if the sex is particularly rough, and some bleed a little every time. Bleeding is normal, so if you do then there’s nothing to worry about, unless it looks like a murder scene every time! In terms of other fluids this depends on the activities themselves. Sometimes there will be a lot everywhere and sometimes very little.
10. I am very conscious about the way my vagina/vulva looks so I still haven’t had sex. How do I get over this fear?
All vaginas/vulvas look different, so there really is no one type fits all. If you are really worried about this, then you could try talking to your partner about your anxiety. Alternatively, you could blindfold your partner, this would be fun for them, and will help you relax too.
11. Is there any way to make my first time not awful?
Just relax and be comfortable, if you stress then it will make it awkward. You should talk to your partner about it. If it is awful then be assured that most people don’t have an amazing first times, so you won’t be an anomaly.
12. How do people transition from just talking to a person or being at the end of a date to sex? How do you initiate sex? Are there any expectations?
There is no way to guarantee sex after a date. It will happen naturally, and there is no need to force it. There may be expectations, however if you are inexperienced then it is no big deal. Just tell your partner beforehand, they might even enjoy teaching you a thing or two.
There is no normal in sex and sexual behavior. However, the above answers should help with any uncertainties, whether it’s your first time, or you are inexperienced, or just have general questions. Just relax and be comfortable, and the rest will come to you naturally.
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